Contributed by Joshua Kruse, PhD, MA-MFT, Registered Psychologist, pastored for almost a decade, prior to that was an Assistant Professor at Trinity Western University, and has a passion for supporting and guiding people in supporting and guiding others.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!”
“It takes a village to raise a child.” You are part of a beautiful church amidst a larger community. I imagine your community feels blessed to have you. As a result, you may have many people come to you for support and guidance–what an honour! My hope is to help you do what you do well, in light of your competence and capacity, while also making sure you aren’t the only one caring for the people that come your way.
We are the body of Christ, composed of different parts with different life experiences, spiritual giftings, and expertise. What a beautiful tapestry and opportunity for people to serve! You don’t have to support people on your own, and if you are, the risk is that you’re limiting others in using their giftings and also limiting how much support the person you are caring for is receiving. Early in my career I had a wise mentor say, “There is only one Saviour and you are not him.” This has stuck with me as I deeply care about people and my tendency is to take on more than is helpful. This might apply to you too as you may feel full, drained, or out of your depths with the situations you face.
As a pastor, you get to be the hands and feet of Jesus to the people in front of you–it can be quite rewarding, and at times overwhelming. I like the slogan “Know your limit and stay within it.” We’re not talking about gambling here, because we are talking about people’s lives, their well-being. A lot of pastors, myself included, neglect to bring in additional support and refer people to other resources due to a lack of confidence in who they are referring to. I think it’s from a good place as you want to care for your sheep well and make sure they are not being led astray. That is a good thing. The risk is that you take on more than you can handle and potentially get in the way of them receiving additional support that may be more fitting.
There are several mental health areas that objectively require additional support:
- Suicide and Self Harm
- Abuse
- Trauma
- Eating Disorders
- Addictions
- Psychosis
- Moderate – Severe Anxiety and Depression
- Moderate – Severe Mental Health Issues
- Significant Relationship Conflict and Wounding/Betrayal
A general principle is the more severe, the more necessary to add support. Another principle is the more specialized, and/or out of your competence, the more necessary to add support. I’m intentionally saying add support as I don’t recommend dropping them when you help them connect with someone else.
Even if referring or adding support, continue to do what you do best:
- Check in with them
- Pray with them
- Pray for them
- Challenge and encourage them as is fitting
It is not helpful if the people who come to you lose you altogether because they are connected with someone else. You can be a loving support by directing them to additional care and by pastorally supporting them along the way. In fact, they still need you as you can provide them pastoral care through gospel guiding.
Remind or equip them with:
- Who God is
- Who they are to him
- What he’s done for them (generally and personally)
- What difference that makes in light of their circumstances
This is powerful and it likely won’t be a part of the additional professional care they receive.
It’s one thing to be willing to add support, and another thing to know where you can direct the people who come to you.
Develop a community resource guide for outside the church:
- Addictions and Recovery Centres
- Legal Resources, Mediation, Separation, Low Cost Options
- Domestic Violence Safe Houses
- Homeless Shelters
- Food Pantries
- 211 Social Services Website
- Crisis Lines
- Rapid Access Clinics and Psychiatrists
- Counsellors
If you can, connect with the organization that you will refer them to, so you can get a better sense of who they are and what they provide. This is particularly important when referring them to a counsellor. Counsellors can have a significant influence on the people they work with. This could be beautiful or concerning depending on the counsellor.
Follow these steps when developing a counsellor list:
- Look them up and vet them to develop trust:
- Share your Statement of Faith/Beliefs/Doctrines asking them to review them and let you know if they have any beliefs that differ.
- Meet them face to face (or virtually) whenever possible to get a greater sense of them.
- Ask “What factors lead to people finding healing and hope through counselling?” or “What leads to positive change in counselling?” and “What difference does it make if you meet with a client who is a Christian compared to a client who is not a Christian?”
- You can follow up with “How often do you talk about or engage in prayer, scripture, or theology with your clients?” Keep in mind that they are not pastors, so if they do not incorporate these things it doesn’t mean that they will lead people astray.
- Ask about their views on more theologically controversial topics such as sexual orientation, gender identity, medication, divorce, separation, etc.
- Ask if they’d be open to coordinating client care with you based on what they are seeing with the client. For example, they could provide you with a note about how the church can best support them.
- Ask if they’d be willing to meet with people from your church for a reduced rate.
While it’s good to know what resources you have access to in your community, it is good to have ministries in your church to care for people as well. This could be part of your overall discipleship and care plan.
Informal and Formal Ministries within your church:
- Build a community of belonging where people are known and cared for
- Prayer: in-service and throughout the week
- Small Groups for support
- Healing Ministries: Freedom Session, Celebrate Recovery, Emotionally Healthy Spirituality, etc.
- Specialty Groups: Grief Share, Divorce Care, Pure Desire, Boundaries, etc.
- Pastoral and Lay Counselling
Lastly, and most importantly, get additional support for you too. You matter. You are part of the church and need to be ministered to as well. God cares about your spiritual, emotional, physical, and relational health. He says, “Come to me.” Go to the well to be filled and refreshed, again and again, so that you can pastor out of your overflow. Go to the ministries in and outside of your church to receive care. In doing these things in this article, you not only care for you, but for the people you care for, as well as your community at large.
May God fill you with his love, power, and wisdom to continue to care for his people well.